Dating after separation and divorce. It can be exciting but it can also be scary. You’ll have so many questions … Will you enjoy it? Will you be good at it? What can you expect? Is it even for you?
Re-entering the dating game after a long-term relationship can seem like entering an entirely new world.
That’s why we’ve put together some very valuable tips for when you start dating again.
Remember, dating is not meant to be too serious. It’s not entering a serious relationship from the outset – that comes only after you have built a solid foundation with someone you’ve gotten to know through dating.
So remember these tips for dating again
- Be ready: Don’t start dating again until you have psychologically and emotionally healed from your divorce. Dating while you are sad, angry, or bitter will never lead to good choices or good outcomes.
- Be yourself: Don’t pretend to be someone you are not. Turning on the charm or pretending to be a certain way if it’s not authentic is exhausting and not sustainable. Love who you are; this is the only way you’ll find the most compatible partner. Know too that your date is most likely as nervous as you are!
- Know what you want and what makes you happy: Know what a great relationship looks like to you, and stick with your vision. If the person you are dating is not compatible with this vision, it’s time to amicably move on. Also know, with the experience that you have at this point in your life, that you can’t “fix” another person – so don’t even think about trying to.
- Don’t give too many details away: Your date doesn’t want to hear too much about your ex, your heartbreak, your anger or your past – just as you likely don’t want to hear about theirs. Cover the basics if you must, and then move on.
MUST READ: How to help your kids through your divorce
- Be open to something different: Your future partner will come your way when the time is right – but they might not be in the package you’d envisioned! Looks, age, job, and race – all of these are ultimately superficial. When it comes to finding the right partner, what matters most is their character and your mutual compatibility. The right partner for you will tick all the boxes including chemistry, reliability, consistency, integrity, kindness, shared interests and values, and honesty. You will tick these boxes for them, too.
- Be interested: Don’t make your dates all about you – if this is your tendency, you’re not ready for a new partner. Be genuinely interested in learning about your date and who they are.
- Don’t feel like you can only date one person at a time: In the initial stages of dating, exclusivity is not necessarily ideal. You need to find the right person and dating more than one person can give you more clarity in the early stages. This, of course, relates to old-fashioned dating – dinners, picnics, movies and companionship. It does not include sleeping together, unless you and your dates are comfortable with this and there is no expectation of exclusivity on anyone’s part.
- Take things slow: There is no rush – rushing into a relationship won’t give you the ultimate result you seek. It takes time to really fall in love and to get to know another person. Take your time, be patient, and enjoy the process. Waiting until you are exclusive and not rushing the any aspect of a relationship is scientifically shown to result in better long-term outcomes.
- Finally, be optimistic! Know that when the time is right, you will find love again. Just have fun!
In most cases you will need a helping with your separation and divorce. Having the right people in your corner in imperative to the outcome. We can help you focus on your future so you get the best result.
If you are separating, please talk to us about the process you need to take to get the best possible outcome for everyone involved.
Call us on 07 3161 2762 or email at [email protected]