In the first week after separation there are only a handful of things that genuinely cannot wait: your safety and your children’s safety, your access to money, and a written record of the date you separated.
Almost everything else, including the divorce, the property settlement and the long conversations about who keeps what, can and usually should wait until you have advice.
What changes the order of that list is your circumstances. Joint accounts one party can empty, a mortgage that still needs paying, a business that needs to keep trading, or a situation where there is family violence, all move certain steps to the top.
The mistake people make early is acting decisively on the wrong things. Moving out in a hurry, splitting an account without advice, or agreeing to a handshake deal in the first fortnight can be expensive to unwind later.
What in your situation is genuinely urgent this week?
This guide walks through what to do first, what to protect, what safely waits, and the point at which you should get a lawyer involved.
Key Takeaways
- The date of separation is important. Record it now, in writing, even if you’re still living under the same roof.
- Safety comes first. If there is family violence or a risk to your children, that changes every other step.
- Separation and divorce are not the same thing. You can be legally separated from the moment you decide it’s over, without filing any paperwork.
- You generally have 12 months after divorce, or two years after a de facto relationship ends, to finalise property settlement. Missing those limits can cost you.
- Most matters don’t end up in court. Mediation and negotiation resolve the majority of family law disputes.
- Early legal advice is not about starting a fight. It’s about understanding your position before you agree to something you can’t undo.
I’ve just separated. What are the first things I should do right now?
Before anything else, take a breath. Then do these three things today.
First, record the date of separation. Write it down somewhere dated, send yourself an email, note it in a diary. It sounds simple, but this date matters for divorce applications and can be relevant in property and support discussions. If you and your ex later disagree about when the relationship ended, that record becomes important.
Second, if there are children involved, focus on their immediate routine. Where are they sleeping tonight? Who is doing school tomorrow morning? Keep things as normal as possible. Children pick up on instability, and a calm handover tomorrow morning is worth more than any conversation you have with a lawyer today.
Third, protect your access to financial information. Log into your online banking and take screenshots or save statements for every joint account, credit card, mortgage and loan. Don’t move money without advice, but do make sure you can see what’s there. People sometimes find accounts emptied or credit cards run up in the days after separation.
Expert Tip: The date of separation is not the date you tell each other it’s over. It can be the date you started sleeping separately, stopped presenting as a couple, or decided internally that the relationship had ended. Document it either way. Courts can and do examine this.
Do I need to worry about my safety or family violence?
If you are afraid of your partner, or if there has been physical, emotional or financial abuse, your safety is the first issue to address, full stop.
You can apply for a domestic violence order through a Queensland Magistrates Court. If the risk is immediate, police can put a temporary protection order in place the same day. You don’t need to have been physically harmed. Threats, coercive control, and fear for your children’s safety are all relevant.
Leaving is often the most dangerous moment in a violent relationship. If you’re planning to leave and you’re worried about the reaction, speak to 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) or DVConnect (1800 811 811) before you make your move.
If there is family violence in your situation, the normal process for resolving parenting and property disputes changes. You are not required to participate in mediation where safety is a concern. Get legal advice before your next step.
Key Point: Family violence changes almost every part of the legal process. It affects what courts prioritise, whether mediation is required, and what interim orders might be available. Don’t try to work through a standard separation checklist if violence is part of your picture.
What is the difference between separation and divorce?
Separation and divorce are not the same thing, and this trips up almost everyone who walks through our door.
Separation happens the moment you or your partner decide the relationship is over. There’s no form to fill in, no court to notify, and no waiting period. You’re separated from that moment, whether you’re still living in the same house or not.
Divorce is a formal legal process that ends a marriage. You can only apply for divorce after you have been separated for at least 12 months. The Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia handles divorce applications.
If you’re in a de facto relationship, there is no divorce. The relationship simply ends. But the same time limits on property settlement still apply.
It’s also worth knowing that you can be separated and still living together. Same-roof separation is common, particularly where children or finances make it hard to move out immediately. If this is your situation, you’ll want to document it carefully: separate bedrooms, separate finances, telling friends and family that you’re no longer together. Courts do look at the evidence of how you were actually living.
Key Point: You don’t need to leave the house to be separated. But if you’re separating while still living together, document the change in your living arrangements from day one.
How do I know what I’m entitled to after separation?
This is probably the question we hear most often. And the honest answer is: it depends on your specific circumstances.
There’s no formula that gives you an automatic percentage of the property. The law requires the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia to consider a long list of factors, including what each person contributed financially and non-financially, the future needs of each person, and what is just and equitable overall.
The biggest myth people walk in with is that they’re automatically entitled to half. Sometimes that’s close to the outcome. Sometimes it isn’t. A partner who stayed home to raise children for ten years has made contributions that count. So has the partner who built the business or paid the mortgage. Both sides of the ledger matter.
What you can do right now is start building a clear picture of the asset pool. List everything: the house, savings, superannuation, cars, businesses, debts, loans. Write down what you know about your ex’s assets too. That picture is the starting point for any property conversation.
Expert Tip: Don’t agree to anything in the first few weeks, especially in writing. A text message or an email saying “you can keep the house and I’ll take the car” can be used as evidence later. Get advice before you commit to anything.
What happens with the kids after we separate?
In Australian family law, the focus is on the children, not on the rights of either parent. The question the law asks is: what arrangement is in the best interests of this child?
The legal terms are parental responsibility (who makes decisions about major issues like education and health), and the arrangements for where a child lives and who they spend time with. Australia doesn’t use the word “custody” as a legal concept, though many people use it casually.
In the first days after separation, the priority is keeping things stable and predictable for the children. If you can agree, even informally, on a routine for school drop-offs, weekends and handovers, that’s worth doing now. Write it down. It’s much easier to formalise a working arrangement than to build one from scratch while everyone is upset.
If you can’t agree, or if you’re worried about your children’s safety or about your ex taking them somewhere without telling you, get legal advice urgently. There are interim orders available through the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia that can put arrangements in place quickly where there is genuine risk.
One thing that genuinely makes things harder later: keeping the children away from the other parent without a legal reason to do so. Courts notice, and they take it seriously.
Key Point: A working informal arrangement documented in writing is often the most practical first step on parenting. It can be formalised into consent orders later if both parties agree. Starting with cooperation, where it’s safe to do so, saves significant time and money.
How is property divided when we separate?
Property settlement is not an automatic process. It doesn’t happen on its own. You and your ex need to reach an agreement, or a court will decide for you.
The simplest outcome is a negotiated agreement, which can then be formalised as consent orders filed with the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia. This doesn’t require a court hearing. It gives both parties legal certainty and means neither side can come back later to reopen the matter.
If you can’t agree, the next step is usually mediation, often with a family dispute resolution practitioner. Most people resolve property matters this way, without ever going near a courtroom.
If mediation fails, or if one party is hiding assets or acting in bad faith, court proceedings become necessary. That’s a longer and more expensive process.
Property in family law includes everything: the family home, investment properties, superannuation, shares, business interests, vehicles, and debts. Superannuation is dealt with separately through a splitting order, but it’s counted as part of the overall pool.
Expert Tip: Even if you agree on everything, formalising the agreement through consent orders is worth doing. An informal handshake deal can unravel, particularly around superannuation or property transfers, and it gives neither of you any protection.
How long will this process take, and what are the key time limits?
This is where time limits matter, and missing them can genuinely hurt you.
If you are married, you have 12 months from the date of your divorce to apply to the court for a property settlement. If you’re in a de facto relationship, you have two years from the date of separation. After those limits pass, you generally need the court’s permission to proceed, and that is not always granted.
So: even if you’re not in a hurry, don’t let these deadlines drift past without either reaching a formalised agreement or getting advice.
As for how long the overall process takes: an agreed property settlement through consent orders can be done in a few months. Parenting arrangements, if both parties cooperate, can be formalised in a similar timeframe. If the matter goes to a final court hearing, you’re typically looking at 12 to 24 months or more.
The fastest outcomes almost always come from early, good-faith engagement on both sides.
Key Point: The time limits on property settlement are the most commonly missed deadline in family law. Even if you’re amicable now, document your separation date and get advice about your timeline. Don’t assume you’ll have time to sort it out later.
How much will this cost, and how can I keep legal fees under control?
Legal costs in family law vary significantly depending on how cooperative both parties are.
A straightforward consent order for property, where both sides agree and the paperwork is relatively simple, will cost considerably less than a contested hearing. Mediation is generally less expensive than litigation. The more decisions you and your ex can make together, the less it costs both of you.
The cost concern we hear most often is from the person whose ex already has a lawyer and they don’t. Here’s the practical reality: if your ex has legal advice and you don’t, you’re negotiating without knowing your position. That can be more expensive in the long run than getting advice early.
Many family lawyers, including our team, offer an initial consultation so you can understand your situation before committing to anything. Use it. Come with a list of questions and a basic picture of your assets and debts. You’ll get more out of it.
We can’t publish fee ranges here because they vary with the complexity of your matter and change over time. What we can say is that early advice, mediation and settlement are nearly always cheaper than court.
Expert Tip: One thing that reliably drives up legal costs is poor communication between the parties. If you and your ex can agree on a parenting routine and talk civilly about finances, your lawyer spends less time managing conflict and more time moving your matter forward. That is directly reflected in your bill.
Do I need a family lawyer right now, or can I wait?
The honest answer: it depends on what’s happening in your situation.
If there’s family violence, a risk your ex will take the children, large amounts of money moving around, or a business on the table, you need advice this week.
If the separation is relatively calm, you have no immediate safety concerns, and both of you are willing to work through things sensibly, you have a little more breathing room. But “a little more” is not the same as “unlimited”. The time limits are real.
The mistake we see most often is waiting until an agreement has already been reached, then asking a lawyer to make it legal. Sometimes the agreement is fine. Sometimes it’s badly one-sided, and the person asking has already agreed to it in writing. At that point, options become limited.
Get advice before you agree to anything significant. That’s the line.
Key Point: You don’t have to start with a full retainer or a contested matter. An initial consultation to understand your rights and your timeline is a sensible first step for almost everyone.
What should I look for when choosing a family lawyer?
Start with the basics. Is the firm genuinely specialist in family law, or is it a general practice that handles everything? Family law is its own discipline, and it changes. You want someone who does this work every day.
Ask about their approach. A good family lawyer should be direct about costs, clear about realistic outcomes, and not in the business of inflating conflict. If a lawyer is pushing you toward court before you’ve explored every other option, ask why.
Beyond that, ask yourself whether you can talk to this person honestly. Family law involves difficult personal conversations. If you can’t be frank with your lawyer, the relationship won’t work well.
Practical things to check: do they explain things clearly without jargon, do they return calls, and do they give you realistic expectations rather than telling you what you want to hear?
Expert Tip: Be cautious of anyone who guarantees you a particular outcome, or who tells you what you’re entitled to before they’ve heard your full story. A good family lawyer gives you an honest picture, not a comfortable one.
What practical steps should I take with money, bank accounts and debts?
Do this in the first week.
Get copies of every financial document you can access: bank statements, credit card statements, mortgage documents, superannuation statements, tax returns, and any business financials. You are not doing anything improper by keeping records of jointly held financial information. Do it now, before circumstances change.
Speak to your bank about your joint accounts. You may want to require two signatures for withdrawals, or to open a separate personal account for your own income. Don’t clean out a joint account without legal advice, as that can reflect poorly on you. But do protect your access to funds you’ll need for living expenses.
Make a list of joint debts and credit facilities. Both of you remain liable for joint debts until they are formally dealt with as part of a settlement. If your ex runs up a joint credit card after separation, that may still be a shared liability.
Expert Tip: If you don’t have your own bank account, open one today. Have your income or any Centrelink payments going to your own account. Financial dependence on a joint account is a vulnerability in the early weeks of separation.
What immediate steps should I take about the home, lease and household bills?
If you own the home together, neither of you has an automatic right to make the other leave unless there is a court order. If there is family violence, that changes, and a protection order can address the question of who remains in the home.
If you rent, check the lease. Both tenants on a joint lease remain responsible for rent. If one of you wants to leave, the lease and landlord arrangement needs to be dealt with. Don’t just walk out of a joint lease without understanding your obligations.
Review the household bills and utilities. Make a note of what is in whose name. If your ex moves out, bills in their name may not get paid. If you move out, the same applies in reverse. Work out who is paying what, even informally, until the formal separation of finances can be completed.
Key Point: The family home is one of the most emotionally charged parts of any separation. But who lives in it right now and who owns it legally are two separate questions. Don’t make assumptions about either.
What should I do about wills, superannuation and insurance after separation?
In Queensland, a will is not automatically revoked by separation. It is revoked by marriage and by divorce, but not by separation alone. If your will currently leaves your estate to your ex, and you separate but do not yet have a divorce, your old will may still stand. Review it.
Update your superannuation beneficiary nominations if you want to change who receives your super in the event of your death. These nominations sit outside your will and need to be changed directly with your fund.
Review your insurance policies: life insurance, income protection, and any policies where your ex is listed as a beneficiary or owner.
None of this needs to be done in the first 24 hours. But it should be on your list for the first month.
Expert Tip: Superannuation death benefit nominations are easy to overlook because the amounts involved don’t feel real until they are. If your relationship has ended, the person who receives your super in the event of something happening to you should be a deliberate choice, not a default from years ago.
How do we sort out child support and everyday costs for the kids?
Child support is administered by Services Australia. You can apply through Services Australia for an assessment, which uses a formula based on both parents’ incomes and the percentage of time the children spend with each parent.
Alternatively, you can reach a private agreement about financial support for the children. If you do that, you can register the agreement through Services Australia to make it enforceable.
In the first weeks, work out who is paying for what: school fees, groceries, medical appointments, after-school activities. Even an informal arrangement written down is better than silence. Gaps in financial support for children create resentment and conflict quickly.
Key Point: Child support and property settlement are separate. What your ex pays toward the children’s living costs doesn’t determine how property is divided, and vice versa. Keep those conversations separate in your mind and in your negotiations.
Can we stay out of court? What are my options to resolve things amicably?
Yes, and for most people, that’s exactly what happens.
Mediation, or family dispute resolution, is the most common path for both parenting and property matters. A neutral third party helps you and your ex reach agreements without a judge making the decisions. It’s faster, cheaper and more private than court.
Before you can apply to court for parenting orders, you’re generally required to attempt family dispute resolution first, unless there’s family violence or urgency. The Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia takes this requirement seriously.
Collaborative law is another option: both parties retain lawyers who are committed to reaching an agreement without going to court. It works well where both sides are willing to negotiate in good faith.
Court becomes necessary when one party refuses to engage, is hiding assets, there are serious safety concerns, or mediation has genuinely broken down. For those situations, having a lawyer who knows court procedure well is essential.
Expert Tip: If you want to stay out of court, the single most useful thing you can do is get legal advice early and make reasonable, documented offers. Courts look at how parties have conducted themselves. Demonstrating good faith from the beginning puts you in a stronger position if things do go further.
What documents and information should I start gathering now?
Start a folder, physical or digital, and put these in it as soon as you can.
Proof of your separation date: a text, email, letter, or diary entry. Recent bank and credit card statements for all accounts, joint and individual. Your last two years of tax returns. Payslips for both of you, if you can access them. Your mortgage documents, any property valuations, and council rates notices. Superannuation statements. Any business financials if either of you runs a business. Your children’s school enrolment details, Medicare card, and any relevant medical records.
You don’t need all of this today. But gather it steadily over the first few weeks, before access to shared accounts or documents becomes more complicated.
Key Point: The single most commonly overlooked document in the first weeks of separation is the superannuation statement. People remember the house and the bank account. Super is often the second-largest asset in the pool and is easy to miss.
How do I prepare for my first meeting with a family lawyer?
Come with a clear picture of your situation, as complete as you can make it.
Bring a list of assets and debts: what you own, what you owe, and roughly what each thing is worth. Note the date of separation. Write down your questions before you arrive, because the conversation will move quickly and it’s easy to forget what you came in to ask.
Be honest. The lawyer sitting across from you cannot help you effectively if they’re working with incomplete information. Tell them about the family violence, the business, the overseas property, the debt you’re embarrassed about. They’ve heard it before.
And come with realistic expectations. Your first meeting is about understanding your position and your options. It is not about being told you’re going to win.
Expert Tip: Write your three most important questions down before you walk in. Most people leave a first meeting having covered plenty of ground but realising they forgot to ask the one thing that was keeping them awake at three in the morning. Write it down first.
I feel overwhelmed. How do I look after myself and my kids through this?
Separation is genuinely hard. The legal process adds pressure to something that is already painful, and it can feel relentless.
A few practical things that make a real difference.
Keep your children’s routine as stable as you can. School at the same time, meals at the same time, the same bedtime. Children do better with predictability when the emotional landscape around them is uncertain. Don’t put them in the middle of adult conversations about property or parenting disputes.
Be careful what you put in writing. Texts sent at midnight when you’re exhausted and furious have a way of becoming exhibits. Take a breath before you hit send.
Lean on your support network, whether that’s a close friend, a GP, or a counsellor. The Beyond Blue support line (1300 22 4636) is available 24 hours a day.
And remember: the acute phase doesn’t last forever. Most people come through this.
Key Point: The best thing you can do for your legal matter is also the best thing you can do for your wellbeing: stay measured, stay off social media about the separation, and keep communication with your ex businesslike. Emotion is understandable. Documented outbursts are a problem.
What are the biggest mistakes people make in the first weeks after separation?
We see the same ones repeatedly.
Agreeing to things in writing before getting advice. A text message saying “fine, you can have the house” is a document. So is a Facebook message, a WhatsApp reply, an email at midnight. Don’t agree to anything significant in writing before you understand your position.
Letting the separation date drift without recording it. The date you separated is a legal fact with real consequences. Write it down.
Moving all the money from a joint account. Courts treat this seriously. Get advice before you move anything significant.
Using the children as leverage. It damages the children, it damages your position with the court, and it rarely achieves anything useful.
Assuming 50/50 is automatic. It isn’t, for property or for parenting time. Your entitlements depend on your specific circumstances.
Waiting too long to get advice. We’ve had clients come in after missing the time limit for property settlement, after signing away their superannuation in an informal agreement, and after agreeing verbally to a parenting arrangement they now deeply regret. Earlier advice would have changed all of those outcomes.
Expert Tip: The most expensive mistake in family law is the one you make before you talk to a lawyer. The second most expensive is the one you make because you waited too long after that conversation to act on the advice.
Frequently asked questions
Can I be separated if I’m still living in the same house as my ex?
Yes. You can be legally separated while sharing a home. Courts do look at the evidence of how you were actually living: separate bedrooms, separate finances, telling others the relationship has ended. Document it carefully.
Do I have to go to court to sort out property and parenting?
No. Most matters are resolved through negotiation or mediation, then formalised through consent orders without a court hearing. Court is a last resort, not a first step.
What if my ex is threatening to take the kids interstate or overseas?
Get legal advice immediately. There are urgent orders available through the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia that can prevent a parent from relocating children without consent. If you believe there is an immediate risk, don’t wait.
Does it matter whose name the property is in?
Not necessarily. Family law looks at the total asset pool and the contributions and circumstances of both parties. Property held solely in one person’s name can still be part of a settlement.
When does the 12-month separation period start?
For married couples applying for divorce, the 12 months runs from the date of separation, not the date of any legal filing. For de facto couples, the two-year limit on property settlement runs from the date the relationship ended.
What are your next steps if you’re ready to talk?
If you’ve read this far, you’re probably dealing with something real right now. You don’t need to have it all figured out before you speak to someone.
A confidential, no-obligation conversation with the C + K Family Lawyers team can help you understand your position, your options and your timeline, without pressure to commit to anything before you’re ready. If you’d like to talk through your circumstances, we’re here.
This article is general information only and is not legal advice. Family law outcomes depend on your individual circumstances. For advice about your situation, speak with a qualified family lawyer.
About the Author
Christopher (Chris) Jones is the Principal Lawyer and co-founder of CK Family Lawyers, a Queensland family law firm. Chris advises on divorce, property settlement, parenting arrangements, binding financial agreements, mediation and domestic violence matters. After working in legal environments where clients felt depersonalised and lost in jargon, he co-founded the firm with Krystina Jones on the belief that people deserve family lawyers who genuinely care, and he works directly with his clients throughout their matters.
